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When they eventually have sex, her feelings oscillate between desire to leave, desire to please him and, only briefly, simply desire; she’s never quite present.

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I remember hearing my own childish tone and thinking it sounded sad, but not knowing it was sad.

But the thought of what it would take to stop what she had set in motion was overwhelming; it would require an amount of tact and gentleness that she felt was impossible to summon.”Her tired assessment is part and parcel of a system that teaches women to value the feelings of others over her own — the mirror of which we see reflected in Robert: his confidence is bolstered only by her self-deprecation.

Soon, though, she is turned on again by her role in his pleasure (“The more she imagined his arousal, the more turned-on she got…”).

I resented the fact that feigned enthusiasm was part of the girlfriend job description.

He wasn’t an ungenerous sexual partner — our “bad sex” didn’t look like Margot and Robert’s, but I had no idea it wasn’t good until years later.

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